OK so I think that I need to switch gears. Initially, I wanted to start a dialogue for stepparents. I think that I turned into a ranter. Sorry.

There are times when I feel so alone while dealing with this. I don't know many stepparents and the ones that I do know don't feel the way that I do. Most don't look at their step children as their children. There are some that think of the kids as just an extra mouth to feed on the weekend. I think of my stepson as my son. But you already know that.

The feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming. There are times I want to throw in the towel. My son is what keeps me going. I could never let his mother take me out of his life. I try to be neutral but it is hard when your hand is forced by actions of the other parent. I want to make changes in not only the laws, but with the way that people think. It is so important that the parents remember that the child sees it even if they think they are doing and saying things when the kids are not around. Body language is louder then words.

Anyway, I guess that is enough for today. Talk to you soon.

OK so a lot has happened since I was on here last. Kaid was upset a few weeks ago when we were getting ready to take him home. We asked him what he was so pissed off at. He told us that he didn't want to go home. Of course my heart breaks knowing that there is nothing that we can do about it. Jeremy talked to him about him standing up for himself and telling her that he is going to live here. So he decided he was going to confront her. That is huge. He never wants to cause conflict. He was able to stay an extra night to prepare himself for this "intervention" of sorts. The next day we head down and Jeremy walked with him up to the house. Kaid was able to get his mom outside to talk so that his dad was there to support him. Guess what happened! You guessed it. She started yelling at Jeremy and telling him that he is just Kaid's playmate and that he doesn't know what is best for Kaid. Jeremy told her that this was about Kaid not him. Kaid tried to get her attention by telling her that it wasn't about her or his dad. It was about him. She again started attacking Jeremy's character and his role as a father. She told him that he is only there when it is fun. PAUSE: Time for a rewind. Kaids baptism, we were living in California at the time and called to ask her when it would be. She told him that she would let us know. Of course no information. We missed it. Kaid being ordained a Teacher, we told Kaid that we wanted to be there. He wanted his dad to do the blessing. Did we know when and where? Nope. They called him into the Bishops office after church without him knowing why and ordained him. He didn't know that he could tell them no. His Jr. High graduation, we did make it to that. However, we had to investigate it and get the information ourselves. That is her job. She is responsible to let us know when there are things going on like that. The graduation was easy for us to find info on, but the church stuff is not that easy. I even called the Bishop about his baptism and asked for him to give us the info and he didn't return my call. PLAY:So now Kaid is trying to get her attention, Jeremy is trying to ignore her and her husband comes outside and gets in Jeremy's face telling him to get off their property. Jeremy ignored him, but soon realized that they were not going to listen and that it could get out of hand. So he grabbed Kaid around the waist and pulled him away so that he could tell him good bye. Kaid was resistant and really wanted her to listen to him. When they got to the car, Kaid tried to get into the car to leave with us. Jeremy tells him that he can't. We have to do it right.I was crying in the car knowing what was going to happen when we left. I can't understand how a mother can disregard her child so easily. Needless to say Kaid was locked in the house again. He would sneek out of the house and go to his uncles house to call Jeremy every night so that we knew he was ok. Moral of the story: If you have a child with someone, please realize you are not the only one in that child's life. There is another parent. If that other parent wants to be a part of the child's life let them. These kids are going though enough without the parents complicating it more. Emotions are easy to take over in a situation like this believe me. I wanted nothing more then to get out of the car and yell at her to listen to her son. Ultimately we have to be the ones to set an example. The step parent is just a soft place to fall when everything else gets crazy.

So let's talk about cell phones. When should a parent give their child a cell phone? How old is old enough? What are good reasons for a kid to have a cell phone? We got Kaid a cell phone because he told us that he didn't feel like he could ask his mom to call us. I guess she is really a stickler about her minutes. So we took that out of the equation. We are paying for it and according to him, she calls him all the time. So why is she saying that he can't have the phone down there? It makes no sense. He has been talking to a girl in Texas and he put her picture as his wallpaper. He was showing his mom a forward text and she saw the wallpaper and freaked out. He was so upset. It wasn't the fact that she didn't want him to have the phone when he is with her, it is that she doesn't trust him. She keeps him like a prisoner. As much as I would love to tell him that everything he was calling her was what I thought of her, I had to tell him that she is his mother. I would die if my kids called me the names that he was calling her. I don't know what to do. The worst part of being a step parent is that your hands are tied. You love the kid, but you have no power or control. I just love him and want him to be happy. How can she not see how much he is hurting? I guess I will do what I always do, be there. That is after all what a stepparents job is. If you meet someone who has children think twice. Please. It is not easy.

Today I picked up a certified letter from the ex wife. It just seems that she is not even reading the letters that we send. We give her answers and explanations in our letters and she sends a letter back with almost the exact same wording that she put in the first letter. At this point I am so emotionally drained. How do I continue? I know that I am not even the one that is being pulled in two directions. How is he coping? Where do I find the strength to not explode on her. There are so many things I would like to say. How do you live with yourself knowing the pain that you are putting your son through? Do you really care or do you see Jeremy in him so it feels good to make him suffer? Where do you get off? Just who do you think you are anyway? Are just a few. But then as a mother I have to sit back and try to see this through her eyes. I get that she blames Jeremy for everything that has gone wrong in her life, but get over it already. Move on. I get that she wants to control his upbringing. She isn't now. She has no idea what he is doing on a daily basis. Well that is when she lets him out of the house. My main issue is how do I keep enough distance to still be his safe place? How come Jeremy is so laid back about it. He says that no matter what he and Kaid will always be close. Then when he turns 18 Kaid can choose who he wants in his life. I get that too, but I am worried about the damage that will be done from him trying to rebel against his mom. He was car surfing the other day and fell off, all of this right after he knocked a kid out in one punch. He is a teenager. So how far does it go in the directions of teenage years and how much is caused by his need to show his mom she doesn't control him. I guess what it comes down to is this. I love him. He is my son. He wants me to be a mama to him. That is what I do. I will be there for him when he calls me in the middle of the night to talk. I will always listen first guide second and show my love through it all. The ex will have to answer one day for what she has done, as will we. I know that we have done our best. I have no problem sitting at Gods knee and answering for loving Kaid. I look forward to it.

May God bless you and keep you safe.

So today I want to talk about a situation that Kaid had to experience.

Kaid was told by his mom in October that if he wanted to live with us he could. He opted to wait until school was out before making the custody change. Since then it has been her telling us what she expects us to do in order for Kaid to come and live with us. I understand as a mother you want to make sure that your child will be taken care of. However, it has gotten to the point that she will find any reason to not allow him to make the change.

Two weeks ago they(the ex and her new husband) sat him down and asked him if he would talk with them. He was so excited thinking that they were finally going to listen to him. He found out shortly that was not the case. When they asked him what he wanted they quickly told him that they think that Jeremy and I are forcing Kaid to make the decision to live with us. When Kaid tried to defend his dad, his step dad tells him not to defend his dad that he doesn't know him and what he put his mother through. So Kaid asks what he did to her. She tells him that he disrespected her and didn't treat her very well. He tells them that he isn't the same person that his dad had changed. His step dad tells him that Kaid doesn't know his dad and that he ruined his moms life. When Kaid tries to defend his dad again, his step dad picks up the babies walker and throws it across the room. Kaid was kept in the house until we picked him up on Friday.

I am not sure why his step dad felt that it was not only his place, but his responsibility to alienate Kaid from his dad. This is called parental alienation. Not only that but they are disparaging his father in front of him. That in and of itself is contempt.

Why would they insist on hurting Kaid like that? What do they gain from making him choose them. We have told Kaid many times that no matter what he decides, we will love him and that we will continue to see him as much as possible.

We are not perfect and I would not pretend that we are. We are honest with him though. We let him know where we stand. This weekend I asked him if his mom wanted to try and have a relationship with him what would he do. He told me that if she wanted to and made the effort he would try, but he didn't see why he had to make the effort first. He already had a mom that he loved and that loved him. My heart broke. I am so happy that he loves me and knows that I love him, but his mother is his mother and every child should have a relationship with their mom.

There will be days that I blog about things other then the ex. Today is one of those days.

Friends are supposed to be something that you Cherish. Why is it that this year has been nothing but friends stabbing me in the back? What have I done to bring this on myself? I have always tried to think of others. In fact there were times when I had let my family suffer in order to help friends. Maybe that is why I am losing friends. Maybe because they look at me as a doormat and not a person with feelings.

How about you? Do you let your friends take advantage of you? Do you take advantage of your friends? Have you stopped to think about what your actions may cause as a consequence?

What are we without our friends? They help us to remember who we are when our children and husbands take over our lives. They hold our hands when we hurt, they support us when we make bad decisions, and they are there when they are most needed.

We will always need friends and I hope that you will look at your friends and remember that together you have one of the strongest bonds. Don't waste it.

Introduction

I decided that I needed to find a way to vent my frustration so to speak. I thought this might be a good way for me to get rid of anger and sadness.

I met my husband 13 1/2 years ago. We met through a mutual friend. I knew he had an ex wife and a son, but I was to naive to understand what that all meant. I got a small taste the first weekend we spent together. We drove to Hooper, UT to pick up his son Kaid. When he got to the door his ex wife started yelling at him and making a scene. I thought she was having a bad day, or was still adjusting and healing from their failed marriage. It would have to get better. I mean, they have a child together. Oh was I wrong!!!

There have been nasty phone calls, letters, and worse of all, the missed baptism. That's right folks, she kept us from his sons baptism and she let her new husband of 5 years ordain him a Teacher in our church without letting us know. She has told me not to love her son, and that I am to have no part in his life. I have been there since he was 9 months old. I am a part of his life.

I will not go on about all of the crap that she has put him (Kaid) and us through up to this point. But I will keep you all updated to what she does from here on out.

If any of you have support groups or would like to start one, I would love to get that information. It is so difficult being in a position where I love Kaid so much, but have no say into what goes on in his life.

Signing off....for now.